Sunday, 23 January 2011

Matrix Revolutions (af Metin Vardar)

[Følgende rev havde Metin oprindeligt skrevet til et Internet-website, men det blev censureret bort, så her er det altså i SS! i stedet!]


review: Metin Vardar
Since this is a Matrix fans site I am probably going to disappoint the lot of you when I proclaim that Revolutions is the biggest disappointment of megasaurus dimensions of my life except back when my girlfriend left me that was even worse. And why is it that Revolutions suck!
Well my dear friends. Basically, it's a Star Trek love story with modifications. I loved the first installment of the Matrix. It's a master piece. Anyone who thinks otherwise should be shot. I will personally do the honors. Reloaded just blew me away. Dudes that free way sequence was better than having sex with whatever babe tickles your guys in your family jewels. And the problem with Revolutions is that it didn't make me feel that way. Honest to God. With Reloaded I felt like being on the verge of a spiritual orgasm through out the movie. Revolutions, is just dry humping. NOT very amusing right! We have a lousy shoot out with the sentinels which some people thought was awesome. Come one what the hell was so breath taking about it compared to the free way scene in Reloaded. I read somewhere, written by some jerk off, that the APUs are NOT inspired from Aliens II. And his argument! The APUs in Revolutions have miniguns the suits in Aliens II don't. That is like comparing a Black Hawk with Apache and saying well the Apache, you know, has a minigun turret under the nose, the Black Hawk doesn't. Fucking jerk off – there has to be a law against public idiocy. Both are helicopters, a generic description of both the Black Hawk and the Apache, where is the sense in starting to categorize them according to their armament. Anyway, like I said Revolutions suck. Unlike Reloaded it does not have the drive, the mesmerizing gallery of characters, and truly ass wooping action scenes. In Reloaded, we were introduced to the bad ass Twins, the Merovingian, Persephone, the Key Maker, the Architect, Seraph, and Niobe. In Revolutions there are squat. Get the point! And I think the title Revolutions is a misapprehension what the words actually entails. There are no revolutions in Revolutions. There is no overthrow of a system. Agent Smith may have been defeated but the Matrix, the system remains intact. So where is the fucking revolution. Where?
Understanding the Matrix universe or more correct the micro cosmos of cause and effect is not an easy task. I sure as hell didn't understand it. And when I left the theatre everybody was saying what the hell was that all about. So many questions and so many odd answers. Like, how come the Oracle was still alive inside the original Agent Smith?
Or how did Agent Smith manage to copy himself. My dear friends, the answer is blowing in the wind. We shall never know unless the W brothers decide that its time to continue the raid on the box office and direct the fourth Matrix movie. The end in Revolutions sure as hell didn't seal the fate of the story. There is a truce-the war is not over. There is no conclusion. Until its time to put on the Blinde sunglasses and reload the Desert Eagle Fifty Action Express once again I think I will indulge myself with the Matrix and Matrix Reloaded. Revolutions, I will pretend never existed.

No comments:

Post a Comment